Very well articulated, but very bitter (brut to speak with Sytse). Enjoying is greater if you regul

Every day I realize that this is now my life. A strange life, chronically ill, with drugs that deplete my immune system so I can live. At the same time I have to protect myself from the outside world, which is full of bacteria, fungi and viruses, which are dangerous for me. I better one, outside my children oeillère and my husband, more kissing. Preferably also not shake hands, or wash it then rapidly. That is totally different than I normally oeillère am with people. If I'm extra ill with pneumonia or so, I should not be admitted to a hospital, it's too dangerous because of the unknown oeillère bacteria oeillère and viruses going around there. That means Sytze now also my carer, my carer.
And it's not like if I wait quietly in a corner that it is about, quite the contrary. I have all the time to reflect on myself, how I feel, to determine if I get enough drugs, or too much. Whether or not there is again a beginning cystitis, or pneumonia, oeillère because the risk of which is high. Shrink the lymph nodes yet, the sarcoidosis place in my skin a bit more to thicken, the pain in my knees is worse, I must again more prednisone? Because sarcoidosis is active, I have a lot more pain, neuropathy is active again. What can I get for pain medication, and I want to get? The painkillers that health insurance will reimburse its psychotropic drugs and I do not want the pain medication that I want, they are not eligible for reimbursement. I have, now it's relatively little better, rehabilitation as well as possible, oeillère so I again what Conditioning and a subsequent relapse handle. oeillère
The result of the last few months that we nadeinen of terror. oeillère The speed with which I first became oeillère very sick and then the rate of sarcoidosis around grip has made us anxious. The balance is so shaky, and we now know that this delicate balance my life.
I am alternately oeillère angry and rebellious, sad, and happy with what is there. Sometimes I'm a day to cry for everything and sometimes I can thoroughly enjoy the sun rising, or a wonderful cake that Alma has baked.
Sometimes I want so much more out of life that I just can not see what I can, and I see my future as an eternal seesaw oeillère of sick, sicker, sickest. But sometimes I'm very happy with a new knitting pattern, with homemade pate which was very tasty, with a happy Alma or a prancing dog and will not care that I can achieve. Grander plans no more
Ragna says:
Very well articulated, but very bitter (brut to speak with Sytse). Enjoying is greater if you regularly feel quite at, but the price is very high I think. Strength, especially with the acceptance, it is a raw grieving process and that takes time and time and grams and energy that you do not even have locks on.
What a fight Josh and what a whopper you (and your husband and Alma also he) again and again continue to see the beautiful things. And also share with us! Yes a kind of seesaw. It rightly oeillère so! angry and sad for what does not and also with which you still can enjoy. so happy again
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